


Just an Experiment

by pillar_of_salt



Category: Madam Secretary
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Makeup Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:21:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24988231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pillar_of_salt/pseuds/pillar_of_salt
Summary: 'And while she is sorry that Mike is hurt, she is not sorry for what she did.' Mike and Nadine work through some things after the little tiff in her office. Spoilers for 3.23.
Relationships: Mike Barnow/Nadine Tolliver
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

" _My first obligation is to this job."_

" _...I get that."_

He'd regarded her for a long moment before he responded, and had worn an expression that was one of regret, or disappointment, or a mix of both. Maybe something that she couldn't detect. Either way, it had broken her heart just a little.

Now, Nadine sits at her desk and sighs, just about ready to pack up her things and leave. It's grown dark outside. Jay and the Secretary have already left for Brussels, everyone else has left for home. It's been hours since her conversation with Mike, and the memory of it has been weighing heavy on her all day long.

They've argued before, of course, but this was different, personal. And while she's sorry that Mike is hurt and sorry that she hurt him, she is not sorry for what she did. Her job comes first, and she will not apologize for that. She'd spent years compromising work for love under Vincent Marsh, and has since promised herself that she would never do it again. Secretary McCord deserves nothing less than Nadine's best work, and that is what Nadine is determined to give her.

Slowly, Nadine gathers her things and shuts down her computer. She should stop by his place tonight. Whether or not he wants to see her, she thinks that they should talk about what happened this week.

She walks out to the elevator, takes it down to the garage, slips into her car. She drives in the direction of his house, a route that's become very familiar to her lately. The past few weeks, she's spent more time at Mike's home than her own, if only because the commute to the State Department is shorter from his house than from her condo.

Despite the late-ish hour, she still gets caught in the tail end of evening rush hour traffic, and as she creeps along the road, she uses the time to consider what she even wants to say to him when she gets there.

Ultimately, Nadine knows that she'd chosen not to go to Mike first because she'd simply thought that this woman, Simone LeClair, with her pretty auburn hair and full curves and tight dress, was a girlfriend of his, or a date, or a lover. She'd been too curious to leave it alone, even as she recognized that it was none of her business to begin with. After all, wasn't Nadine the one who had insisted that they were merely experimenting with the possibility of a relationship? Because whatever it was she was doing with Mike, she was too cautious to commit to it so immediately. How, then, could she turn around and ask territorial questions about this mystery woman that he may or may not also be dating? She had no right.

But she can't lie; she'd felt a sickening jolt in the pit of her stomach upon seeing what she'd first thought to be the potential evidence of her non-importance, her disposability, in Mike's life. It made her feel foolish. Why had she never considered that he may want more than what she could give, that maybe he could do better than her? Why had she never considered that maybe she is not enough for him?

Nadine forces herself to stops that line of questioning before it takes her somewhere she really doesn't need to go. She's questioning herself, and it's a remnant of Vincent's mark on her life; nothing more than a reflection of her own self-doubt.

She knows herself well enough to recognize that her affair with Vincent Marsh had defined a significant portion of her identity for a very long time. Although she has long since moved on and long since healed, he has left scars on her that do not seem to fade. He's made her wary; tentative of new relationships, and (on more insecure days) uncertain of herself.

She refuses to live a repeat of that part of her past, wouldn't be able to stomach it. And that...that's the heart of it for her, isn't it? She'd seen the possibility of it in Mike and Simone LeClair, even if only for those few initial hours, and the idea had filled her with so much dread that she'd felt it necessary to protect herself. She'd chosen to hide behind her work.

And alright, yes, Mike did have a point - she could have just gone to him first. She could have. But she was embarrassed and she hadn't _expected_ to discover his association with radical foreign nationalist players. It had been a nasty shock for everyone.

Mike didn't deserve what had come out of it, because ultimately, he'd done nothing wrong. He wasn't in the pocket of some hostile foreign power, and he wasn't dating around, and he wasn't out to screw with Nadine's self-confidence.

He's been nothing but good to her, and she does know this. He treats her well. When they are together, Mike makes it very clear how much he cares about her, how much he likes her, how much he enjoys her company, and it makes her feel good. _He_ feels good.

And the _sex._

A soft sigh escapes her lips as she thinks about the sex. It's still new enough that it makes her shiver when she thinks about it, and earth-shattering enough that she often finds herself daydreaming about it in the middle of the workday. It's some of the best she's had in years. He touches her like he can't get enough of her, and he takes her pleasure very seriously. Once, he'd spent an entire evening memorizing her body with his mouth and hands, learning all of the things she liked, every move that drove her wild, every spot that made her gasp. She had been reduced to a puddle once he'd finished with her, boneless and barely able to move. Mike has been using that knowledge to drive her crazy every time he puts his hands on her.

Nadine pulls into Mike's driveway. She tries to school her thoughts back to the more important (and innocent) matter at hand, and gives herself a second to work up the courage to walk into his home, no matter what is waiting for her there. She switches off her headlights and turns off her car, getting out before she can talk herself out of it. Steeling herself with a deep breath, she walks up to his door and rings the bell before she can change her mind.

* * *

Mike is insulted. The assertion that he had the capacity to betray his own Secretary of State for a paycheck is insulting. It hurts that Bess would believe it. It _really_ hurts that Nadine would believe it. But... given the paper trails, he supposes he can hardly blame them.

But why hadn't she just asked him? He's been honest with her from the start, and he would have been honest with her about this. He has nothing to hide. That she could just take her information straight to the Secretary without so much as a mention to him or a phone call or a warning, leaving him to be blindsided and his loyalties to be called into question...it was cold of her. Maybe he hadn't been fair to her today, when she'd pulled him into her office. She'd just been doing her job. On some level he understood that, he did. But he was hurt, and he didn't have the capacity just then to consider her narrative - not after she'd walked all over his with little-to-no regard for his word on the matter.

 _My first obligation is to this job,_ she'd said. He gets that. She is faultlessly loyal to the Secretary, and devoted to the work. It is one of many things that he admires about her. But it is also the thing that makes him feel that perhaps there is very little room for him in her life.

He sighs. All in all, his day had been shitty. He's in his living room with Gordon now, nursing a tumbler of scotch with the television on at a low murmur in the background. He expects that Nadine will come by at some point tonight. It's been almost half a day since their conversation in her office, and he hasn't talked to her since. He's still smarting from the aspersions cast on his character by two of the women he admires most, but has mulled it over enough since then to feel ready to just go ahead and address the damn thing.

He holds Nadine in high esteem; always has. She's always impressed him; her professionalism, her grace, her sharp wit and even sharper intellect. He thinks back to their working dinner at that Japanese restaurant, all those months ago when they'd both thought Bess's job to be in jeopardy. Nadine had been quick and informed and shrewd, and he had no doubt that she was an indispensable player in the political game. She is extremely good at her job.

And she impresses him even more now that he's gotten to know her a little better. He enjoys her company; her banter, her humor, her tenderness. He enjoys discovering little pieces about her - her love for the theater, her penchant for good wine and expensive scotch, her past in a dance troupe. The latter makes a lot of sense, he thinks, given her exceeding gracefulness and crazy flexibility.

God, her flexibility. It makes him dizzy with lust to think about all of the possibilities it opens up for them; all of the novel, crazy positions he wants to try; all of the new ways he wants to make her writhe and moan. The sex just blows his mind. She is always so very responsive to him and so very _loud_ \- a big boost to his ego, for sure. And that woman could do downright _sinful_ things with her hips. And her mouth. And her hands. She drives him completely crazy.

And beyond sex, Nadine is simply exquisite. She is who he wants, and he still has to convince her of that, perhaps. She keeps him at an emotional distance, and he doesn't know how to fix that. He is trying to find the right balance between showing her how enamored he is of her, and being casual enough that he won't scare her away. Mike is careful not to ask her for more than he knows she is comfortably willing to give, but he always feels as if she is about to slip through his fingers anyway. He can admit that the hesitancy that she offers him is a slight blow. The fact is, he doesn't want to "experiment" with Nadine. He wants to _be_ with her, for the foreseeable future.

But.

He thinks that maybe he needs to consider that they can't make this work after all. For a relationship in which the professional and private so often overlap, his work is too important to leave it where Nadine can take a kick at it again in the name of a strong work ethic.

Gordon looks up when the doorbell rings. His tail wags happily, as if he already knows who it is and can't wait to see her again. Mike knocks back another mouthful of scotch before setting down his glass and heading for the door.

He opens it to see her standing on the porch stoop. She looks apprehensive, but gives him a small smile. Wordlessly, he steps aside to let her in.

In the foyer, she steps out of her shoes as he removes her coat for her just like he always does. He hangs it up in the hall closet and then grabs his glass, taking it to the kitchen to top it off with more scotch. He also pours one out for Nadine without having to ask. When she follows him in, he hands it to her and she murmurs a soft thank-you. They end up standing on opposite sides of the peninsula, as if they need the counter space between them in order to have this conversation.

Nadine jumps right in. "Mike, I-"

He speaks at the same time. "You know, you really hurt me, Nadine."

She takes a breath. "I'm sorry."

"The fact that you could even _think_ that I'd double cross Bess?" His jaw clenches. Saying it out loud makes him angry all over again. He tells her the same thing he'd told Elizabeth. "You know, I draw the line at trying to destroy democracy."

"I know." She pauses. "If it's worth anything, I did tell the Secretary that I… that I didn't believe you'd betray her."

"Yeah, well, thanks for your unwavering confidence in me," he retorts. "If you really didn't believe it, you would've come to me first."

"The evidence was persuasive; you know that. Given what Daisy and I found, the most straightforward course of action was to take it directly to the top. We didn't have the time."

"Really? You're arguing expediency?" He scoffs. "We talk to each other all the time, Nadine. It would have taken you ten seconds to call me. Even less to send a text."

"Mike, look," she sighs. She drags her glass around the countertop absentmindedly, hesitating, as if she is trying to pluck up the courage to say what she wants to say. "I… I thought that Simone LeClair was your _girlfriend_."

"Oh. Oh. ...Wait, _what_?"

She continues, "I didn't ask you about it because I was too embarrassed to bring it up to you, and it seemed like it wasn't any of my business." She bites her lip, looking a little self-conscious. "Of course now that all seems pretty foolish of me."

He's not used to her doubting herself, which is what it seems like she's doing now. Nadine has always come across as a woman all too aware of her own allure, and all too in control of the situations around her. But this? This is something else. He softens. "Why would you think that I had a girlfriend?"

"There was a photo of the two of you from a few months ago. It looked like… something," she says lamely.

"Okay, but… Nadine, I'm with you." He's not understanding her. She should know better - a photo could mean anything.

Her sentences come out in fragments. "Well, we never really talked about being... exclusive... or anything and we'd agreed that _this_ ," she gestures between them, "was just an experiment, and… I don't know. I saw the picture, and... Simone LeClair is beautiful."

" _You're_ beautiful, Nadine. And I want to be with _you_. I hope you know that." He can see now that maybe this whole thing was less about her willingness to blindside him (although she's still not off the hook for that) and more about her belief that he could blindside _her_. "And just so you know, I am _not_ a serial dating type of guy."

That gets a small smile out of her. "Good to know." She grows serious again. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Mike. Truly. But after everything that I've done, everything that I've allowed myself to do - _especially_ during Marsh's time in office… my job has to comes first now. I know you understand that." She reaches for his hand across the counter.

Of course he'd known about her affair with Vincent Marsh - it was Washington, after all - but until now, he hadn't considered that the man could still have an effect on her. She's so much more than what that scumbag deserved. "I get it," he says, stroking the back of her hand, "but you still blindsided me."

"I know."

They lapse back into silence. Now it's Mike who is trying to work up the nerve to say what he wants to say. He pulls away from her, and she straightens up, tensing. "Nadine, your devotion to your work is one of the many things that I admire about you. You're damn good at your job - "

"Yes I am," she agrees.

" - but I don't know where that leaves me. You keep me at a distance," he says, an echo of his quip earlier in the week.

She shakes her head. "I don't - "

"I don't know if you have room for me in your life, Nadine." There, he said it. "You just fit me in when it's convenient for you."

"Come on Mike, that's not fair," she says softly. He knows he's hurt her with that.

Mike is immediately contrite. "You're right, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I just," he sighs, unsure of what he's trying to say. "I want more of you." He catches and holds her gaze. "I know that this was just an experiment, but you make me happy, Nadine."

"I'm happy, too."

"And by the way, I would never trade on you for some random girlfriend," he says, making her snort. "Maybe we can discuss exclusivity, whenever you're ready. No rush."

She seems to consider him for a moment before she smiles and says, "Okay. We'll talk about it sometime." She rounds the peninsula to his side and slings her arms around his neck, hugging him tight. He wraps his arms around her narrow waist and buries his face in the hollow of her neck and shoulder, dropping small kisses on her skin there and breathing in the faint scent of her perfume. This is nice. This feels good.

"Sometime?" he asks, muffled into her shoulder.

"Mhmm." Nadine pulls back slightly, so that they're face to face. There's a glint in her eye that he can't resist. "Maybe in a couple of hours," she whispers, and pulls him down for a deep kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

Mike responds to Nadine's kiss with fervor, clamping his hands onto her waist and backing her against the counter. He licks at her lips lightly, and when she opens her mouth to him, he slips his tongue inside. With very little effort, he picks her up and she automatically wraps her legs around his waist; he walks them blindly down the hall and up the stairs to the bedroom without ever breaking their kiss.

He tosses her onto the bed before crawling on top of her, and Nadine works on undoing the buttons of his shirt as they kiss, and then pushes it off his shoulders. He pulls her up to a sitting position so that he can do the same. Her heaving chest draws his eyes down; she's wearing a deliciously low-cut lacy black bra that makes him lose his breath a little. He gently traces the edges of it with his finger, making her shiver.

"Did you wear this for me?" he murmurs, admiring her half-naked form.

Nadine reaches for his belt. "Depends," she says, undoing his belt and then unfastening his pants. "Do you like it?" She slowly draws the zipper down, palming him through the fabric, and all logical thought in Mike's head is scrambled. She backs them off the bed so that they are both standing, and pushes his pants and boxers to the floor so that he can step out of them. She grabs hold of his erection with a smooth hand, stroking him slowly.

"I love it," he finally says, barely coherent. He presses his forehead to hers and tries to stay focused. He skims the waistband of her slacks. Why was she still wearing this? She'd already gotten him naked, yet she was still half-clothed. He unbuttons them deftly and slides them down her hips. She's wearing matching lace panties.

Mike takes half a step back so he can take her in. Nadine gracefully steps out of her slacks and looks up to see his eyes running over her hungrily. An attractive blush blooms over her face and upper chest.

"You are _so_ sexy," he growls, and pulls her forward with his hands on her backside, crashing his lips onto hers. Nadine squeaks in surprise but kisses him back with just as much fervor, pressing her hips against his.

She breaks the kiss, pulling back just enough so that she can speak against his lips. "I'm sorry for blindsiding you," she murmurs. She reaches down to continue stroking him with her hand while slowly moving her lips along his jaw, nipping at his skin. When she reaches his ear, she whispers, "Can I show you how sorry I am?" She presses a hard kiss against the side of his neck and before he can process, she has already dropped to her knees in front of him. The sight of her looking up at him as she bites her lip seductively, wearing nothing but very skimpy lingerie, will forever be etched into his memory.

Nadine grips his thighs with both hands and pulls him forward, running her tongue along his erection and making him groan. She takes him between her lips and moves down his length. His hands automatically go to her head, fingers winding through her soft curls as he struggles to keep his eyes open. The sensation along with the visual is almost too much for him to take, but there is no way he's going to miss this. She moans as she draws back slowly. She swirls her tongue over the tip of him before sliding back down again.

"Fuck," Mike swears. He rocks his hips against her mouth. She bobs her head over him, increasing her pace, and hums in pleasure. The vibrations against his flesh make him tremble, and knowing that she enjoys this turns him on even more. " _God_ , Nadine." He tightens his grip in her hair involuntarily.

"Fuck, that's so good," he pants, and Nadine suddenly redoubles her efforts, catching him off guard. She uses her hand to pump him in concert with her mouth, twisting her wrist with every stroke. "Nadine, ah - fuck - I'm so close." His hand closes on her shoulder, trying to push her away, but she only snakes her other arm around him, pulling him in closer and holding him there. And then she relaxes her throat and slides her mouth all the way down to the base of his cock with ease, taking him by surprise.

He comes almost instantly, spilling down her throat. Stars explode behind his eyes as he groans. He takes two steps around her and collapses on the bed, staring up at the ceiling in a daze. "Oh my god, Nadine," he breathes, his heart rate slowly falling back to normal. "I accept your apology."

She smirks, rising and wiping her mouth delicately with the back of her hand. She crawls on top of him on the bed. "Good," she says, and leans down to give him a light kiss.

"I didn't know you could do that."

"I can do a lot of things," she replies cheekily.

He pulls back a little to look at her. She's flushed; one bra strap is falling off of her shoulder; her hair is mussed; her lips are swollen. She's breathing harder than normal, and beneath her bra he can see the peaks of her hard nipples. She's all worked up. He bets that she's soaking wet.

Mike slides a hand into her underwear to see. Right now he wants nothing more than to flip her onto her back and fuck her through the mattress, but his body still needs a little time to recover. No matter. As Nadine's eyes flutter closed and her thighs quiver, he knows definitively that he loves this just as much.

"Fuck, you're dripping," he whispers. He reaches around her with his other hand and flicks open her bra clasp. He pulls her bra off of her and flings it across the room carelessly, then leans up to capture a hard nipple between his lips. He flicks his tongue over it and, when she pushes her chest against his mouth, gives it a gentle bite. He moves to the other one, sucking on it until she squeals. He presses kisses all the way up her chest and neck as he continues to touch her gently and growls, "Does it turn you on to suck me off?"

"It turns me on to make you come," she counters.

Suddenly, Mike is done with teasing her. Without warning, he plunges two fingers into her, making her gasp, her eyes flying open in shock and pleasure. He pumps her a few times, and she's so wet that he meets no resistance. He can _hear_ her arousal, and it drives him absolutely crazy.

"Mike," she moans. He pulls his hand away briefly so that he can slide her panties down and off her legs.

"Get up here," he growls, and drags her body up to his mouth. He pulls her hips down to his face and holds her there so that she can't squirm away, wrapping his lips around her clit and sucking it into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it.

Nadine cries out, the sensations intense, almost too much. She falls back a little, propping herself up on trembling arms.

Suddenly Mike flips her onto her back and grasps her legs in both hands, slowly pressing them open as wide as she can go, putting her into a full split with ease. "So flexible," he marvels, his eyes running up and down her form, just admiring her. She squirms impatiently, wanting him to hurry up and get on with what he started, but he doesn't budge, still drinking her in.

Finally, she runs her hands over his scalp before entangling her fingers through his short hair and gently pushing his head down. It makes him grin, and he can feel himself growing hard again, rapidly. When he finally runs his tongue along her center, she moans in relief. He licks her again, then flutters his tongue over her clit. He lets go of one of her legs so that he can push his fingers into her. He works them in and out slowly.

"Just like that," she murmurs, rocking her hips against his face. He crooks his fingers just slightly to reach that spot inside her on every stroke, and she stops breathing for a moment. Her grip tightens on his hair. Her back arches. "Mike I'm gonna come," she whimpers.

"Come for me, gorgeous." He works his fingers faster and sucks hard on her clit.

Nadine cries out; her thighs clamp around his ears and her hips rise off the bed. She twists her hands into the sheets as she shakes uncontrollably.

Mike laps at her gently as she catches her breath. He kisses his way up her body, feeling her muscles still quivering under his lips. "You are so hot." He tells her before covering her lips with his. _Now_ he wants to fuck her through the mattress.

As if she could read his mind, Nadine reaches down and wraps her hand around him gently, stroking him. "Ready?" She murmurs against his lips. She guides him to her center and Mike pushes forward, sliding into her to the hilt and making her gasp. She automatically wraps her legs around him. He holds his hips still, just savoring the feeling of her hot and tight and wet around him. He groans when she squeezes her inner muscles around him.

"Move it," she says teasingly.

"Yes ma'am; moving." He slides out almost completely before pushing into her again, eliciting a low moan from Nadine. He thrusts in a slow and controlled rhythm, and she rolls her hips in counterpoint. She wraps her arms around him, holding him close so they are skin to skin. "Fuck, you feel fantastic," he groans. He sucks on the flesh at the base of her neck, surely leaving a mark but she is far past caring. He starts to move faster. Nadine is moaning softly in his ear and he doesn't think he can last for her when she's doing that.

He rises up on his knees, and grabs a pillow and shoves it under Nadine's hips. He grips her thigh with one hand and gently pins her pelvis down with the other. He starts to move again. The change in angle and added pressure makes her eyes widen.

"Fuck," she whispers, biting her lip.

"Feel good?" He drives into her harder and faster, and her eyes close and her head tilts back.

"Don't stop," she orders breathlessly. She grabs her breasts in her own hands, rolling her nipples between her fingers as he pounds into her.

His hand on her pelvis slides further down so that he can touch her clit with his thumb. He taps on it gently and the sensations zing through her. Nadine comes with a scream.

The visual, combined with the noises coming out of her mouth and the feeling of her walls contracting around him is enough to make him lose control, too. He fucks her frantically for a few more seconds before he spills inside of her, moaning. He rolls them over, draping her small frame over his. Nadine shudders again for a long moment, her muscles tightening around him gently. Her hands curl into the sheets.

"You okay?"

"Mmm - still coming," she murmurs, luxuriating in the lingering waves of her aftershock.

Mike takes a deep breath in an attempt to keep his head from exploding. He wraps his arms around her sated form, stroking her back soothingly to slowly bring her down from her high. He presses a kiss to her hair. She is going to be the death of him.

Eventually, Nadine rolls off of him to grab a tissue from the nightstand to wipe herself up. She tosses it in the wastebasket before turning back to Mike, snuggling up against his side. They both find themselves drifting to sleep, at their most relaxed since the week began.

"Wanna talk about exclusivity?" she asks, even though she can barely keep her eyes open.

He's in no better shape than she is. "Tomorrow. Waffles for breakfast?"

"Absolutely."

They're asleep in seconds.


End file.
